my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
