I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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