Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
