oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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