I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
