I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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