I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
