white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
