I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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