We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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