Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
