Porn is love you can see.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
