Grow some girl-balls and come out already
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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