also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
