every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
