six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
