I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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