its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
