I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
