After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
