You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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