You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
