dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need to calm my uterus...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
