Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
