does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
