I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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