yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
