Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
