you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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