what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
