Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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