I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
