i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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