you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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