I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
