If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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