I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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