My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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