I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
