i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
