There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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