covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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