dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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