I smell stomach acid.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
