i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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