I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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