Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
