lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
