i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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