My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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