I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
