Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
